Don't let Alzheimer's make decisions for you

I want to tell you a story …

The full-time caregiver of a person with Alzheimer's has to go to the emergency room because she's suffering so much back pain that she can barely move without screaming. She can't get to her physician's office during regular hours because her adult children, who have demanding lives of their own, have to work during the day and can't come by the old homestead to take care of Dad while Mom goes to the doctor.

Now, don't blame the kids for being heartless or lacking compassion, because Mom doesn't tell her kids about her back pain during the day. She doesn't want to worry them or take them away from their jobs because they're honest, hard-working folks who have mortgages and car payments like most of us. They've already taken several vacation days thus far this year to help give Mom a break in caring for Dad at home, because there are countless families out there that believe in caring for their own as long as possible. They don't want to rely on others.

Dad can't remember their names … rarely speaks anymore … looks puzzled at the seatbelt when he gets in the car … doesn't understand that everything in the grocery store isn't his to grab and eat or open to see what's inside … has no idea why there's a dog in the house (that's been there for 10 years or so) … forgets what a toilet is for … and has to wear Depends 24/7 because he has no clue what his body is releasing … You get the ugly picture that this family faces every hour, every day.

Love and many, many prayers to God keep them going.

Now, back to Mom's back. One of the kids comes by after work and discovers Mom in great pain and asks why she didn't call one of them sooner. Well, you know Mom; she didn't want to bother anybody; she's stubborn; she's trying to calculate how much the insurance will or won't cover; she's sure it's just stress and the extra physical and emotional exertion she's had to bear in caring for Dad's growing needs.

Well, while one kid stays home with Dad, the other takes Mom to the emergency room. She's admitted to the hospital because she's got some serious spinal problems, not just some muscle strain. This family has to make some quick and hard decisions. What will they do with Dad because Mom isn't coming home tomorrow …

I tell this true story as a reminder that EVERY family that has someone with Alzheimer's needs to plan for the worse, when the caregiver can't give care for a day or a week or a month or, heaven forbid, forever.

Don't let Alzheimer's make decisions for you. Start planning from the moment of diagnosis because tomorrow comes far too fast.