It doesn't matter if it's stroke, brain injury, cancer or another debilitating illness or accident, the survivors find a different circle of friends afterward, which can be bigger or smaller. And unfortunately, when it comes to something that happens to the brain, that circle can seem almost non-existent.
After listening to stroke survivors share their experiences with each other, I find that a singular theme has burned itself on my brain: if a person can't talk, or they can't speak the way they did before, or their words get jumbled, friends usually vanish. Period. It's sad but it's true.
Here's one male survivor's description of his best friend:
“I had a good friend for a long time. We always been best friends for a long time. I had my stroke. He never did call me after that. Just now that I’m able to talk better all the time that I can call him, and he’s able to talk with me now. It took that long. Otherwise he just disappeared. When I tried to call him, he doesn’t give much time. I’m still the same person in my head. It took a long time for me to talk to him finally. It’s a little different friendship. I still like to talk to him. Some of your friends might circle back around. Sometimes it takes a long time.”
Or a woman who has trouble at times articulating what she wants to say:
“I know this, I know things. But I can’t say it right. They say, ‘What?’ ”
It's an injury to the brain that causes these pauses or steals the words from their mouths. They're not stupid!!
If you truly want to help someone, stop looking at your watch and sit and talk with them. That is the most precious gift you can offer because you're giving them the workout of a lifetime. They can only improve with practice, with real conversation that truly puts their brain, heart and soul to work.
And that's another way to save money on health care! My letter to President Obama is getting longer every day …
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