Sometimes it takes a while for everything to soak in, for you to fully comprehend a world that makes no sense, a world that consumes you within the sacred walls of your own home.
When it comes to Alzheimer's, no two individuals with this damn disease are alike. No two caregivers are alike. However, they all share one trait: they're human.
Many caregivers feel enormous guilt when they physically can't keep up with the demands of 24/7 care. But there comes a moment when our very human instinct to survive kicks in, when it commands more attention than guilt, even for only an instant.
And sometimes we must break sacred promises we made to the new stranger who now lives with us, someone who has resided in our home for many years, someone who has shared our kitchen table or even our bed. We remember the day they told us, "Don't you EVER send me there," and we vowed they'd NEVER have to go to adult day care or an assisted living facility or a nursing home.
We will cry while we make that decision and all the way home after we entrust someone else to care for our loved one, whether it's for eight or 24 hours. We will cry in the middle of the night and the day, over-analyzing everything we have done or think we should have done, allowing our exhausted imaginations to come up with new avenues of guilt.
Leave those regrets behind when you make those tough decisions. You will have done the best thing for your loved one and yourself when you ask for and/or accept help. You will have given them the attention and care they need when you are too exhausted to watch their every move. You will have given them more love and focus when you see them and care for them.
You will have saved yourself and become a much better caregiver in more ways than you can calculate because you can begin to rebuild your body and your mind and your spirit.
And isn't that the person your loved one with Alzheimer's will always hold dear in a place deep within them?
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