By Monica Vest Wheeler
Admit it, we've all put on a mask at one time or another … to hide our pain, our sorrow, our disappointment. That mask can be a pretty heavy accessory to tote around.
In nearly a dozen years of interacting with caregivers, I've learned many things, especially this: they can put on Academy Award winning performances, hiding tears and fears, pain and strain. As they care for a loved one, many will attempt to conceal every emotion churning within.
As a result, many will pay a heavy price: damage to their emotional, physical and spiritual health. Or even worse … some die far too soon.
I remember the classic Three Dog Night song with the haunting line, "One is the loneliest number." Caregiving is rapidly becoming the largest solo "occupation" in the world, either by choice or no choice.
In hundreds of conversations with caregivers of individuals with Alzheimer's, dementia, stroke, brain injuries and other life challenges, I've learned two great secrets about breaking through a caregiver's hidden pain:
Eye contact and listening.
Those two connections can crack the most rigid walls. Those two skills, which nearly all of us are capable of, can save someone in more ways than one.
Caregivers need at least one special someone with whom they can feel safe and trust. They need someone who will just be there to care for them, whether it's for a five-minute or five-hour break.
Go to them with open eyes.
Go to them with open ears.
Be the miracle gift that can last longer than the holidays.
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