Alzheimer's: Don't do this

Do you know one of the caregivers' top pet peeves concerning their loved one with Alzheimer's, dementia or memory loss?

Let's set the scene: You're out shopping or whatever and you run into your friend Mary, whose husband John is in the early-mid stages of Alzheimer's and is with Mary. You say, "Hi, Mary, how are you doing? How's John doing?"

Did you figure out the pet peeve? So many caregivers are frustrated and angry when people talk about their loved ones as if they're not right there. That's painful because it sends an immediate message that loudly negates the original, simple, friendly question, "How's John doing?" If you want to know how John is doing, ask him yourself!

John may not say much, which is OK, but he shouldn't be ignored or forgotten. I've watched the faces of loved ones fade into sadness or emptiness when they're ignored and/or spoken about as if they were invisible. I've witnessed their smiles and glimmer of recognition emerge when they're treated with the same everyday dignity we give someone else who doesn't have dementia or memory loss.