Alzheimer's: What becomes unimportant

"Both my mother and sister experienced loss of memory, how to dress as to what color went with another. They giggled when caught doing the wrong thing. They didn’t remember important dates or meetings.”

This description shows how the important and simple things can be “lost” to Alzheimer’s. It makes no sense to the rest of us when somebody forgets how to pick out clothes to wear when they’ve been doing it most of their lives. That’s just one of many things that will become very unimportant in the “priorities of life” list.

Name Yourself Day

Well, according to a calendar of odd days, this is Name Yourself Day.

What name would you give yourself? Would you come up with something totally wild that would have totally horrified your parents? Or would you have been the envy of all your peers?

Hmm, what name would I have chosen if I had had a say more than 50 years ago … I don't think it would have been an ordinary name, nor one too fancy. My first name is OK. I'm used to now. But I never liked my middle name and promptly dropped it when I got married, choosing instead to make my maiden name my legal middle name. It wasn't a bad name, and I know several people for whom that name fits nicely, but I never could stomach it.

Actually I think I'll stick with Monica Vest Wheeler. I did get a lot of mileage out of Monica during the Clinton years. During the height of the scandal, after returning from a vacation in Washington, D.C., I truthfully told a group that I had seen President Bill Clinton drive by in a motorcade, but that's as far as it went.

And to milk the situation further, I announced that my dad's name is Bill, which it is, and my mom's name is Paula, which is it. (Remember Paula Jones, another one of Clinton's friends …) It was a great icebreaker for a couple of years, and I vowed I'd never be caught dead in a blue dress …

As for my name, I think I'll stick with what I've grown accustomed to. Besides, if I ask my web gal to change anything else on my website this week, she might call me everything but Monica …

Alzheimer's: Don't do this

Do you know one of the caregivers' top pet peeves concerning their loved one with Alzheimer's, dementia or memory loss?

Let's set the scene: You're out shopping or whatever and you run into your friend Mary, whose husband John is in the early-mid stages of Alzheimer's and is with Mary. You say, "Hi, Mary, how are you doing? How's John doing?"

Did you figure out the pet peeve? So many caregivers are frustrated and angry when people talk about their loved ones as if they're not right there. That's painful because it sends an immediate message that loudly negates the original, simple, friendly question, "How's John doing?" If you want to know how John is doing, ask him yourself!

John may not say much, which is OK, but he shouldn't be ignored or forgotten. I've watched the faces of loved ones fade into sadness or emptiness when they're ignored and/or spoken about as if they were invisible. I've witnessed their smiles and glimmer of recognition emerge when they're treated with the same everyday dignity we give someone else who doesn't have dementia or memory loss.

Alzheimer's: Not knowing

“He couldn’t remember where we kept things and couldn’t ‘catch on’ to new information.”

You’ve heard it a million times how married couples know each other better than they know themselves. Each should just simply “know” what to do or say or where to go or find things. Imagine the day a spouse doesn’t remember.

Alzheimer's: I didn't know much

“I didn’t know much except that it was a long-term disease.”

Alzheimer’s is a complicated and confusing disease. We hear in the media about promising and not-so-promising research discoveries, and that confuses us more. That’s why families must take the time to educate themselves. Start with the Alzheimer’s Association www.alz.org

As easy as Rubber Eraser Day

If it was as easy as Rubber Eraser Day, which somebody has labeled today, life's mistakes and misgivings could be corrected with a simple application of the pencil or chalkboard eraser.

Sometimes a little rub would do it and other times it would require some extra muscle. Sometimes it all depends on much energy we want to exert. Sometimes it's easier to just scrawl another layer of lead or chalk to cover it up, forget it and move on.

Maybe that's the big stick we should carry through life. Not the one that threatens and scares others, but the one with a big eraser on the end that acknowledges we're going to make some mistakes along the way and are willing to correct them the best we can, albeit clumsily and incomplete at times … all because we fit into that category of being human.

Alzheimer's: Everybody has days

“Taking so long to complete a sentence. Slow thought process.”

Everybody has days when thoughts are jumbled due to fatigue, tackling multiple tasks, stress and other ordinary factors. There are countless moments when we all forget the right word to express what we want to say. There are times when grammar rules are tossed aside for the sake of simplicity. However, frequent episodes of difficulty in conversation can leave listeners wondering what’s happening.

Tweed Day … huh?

Okay, Tweed Day is right there on my list of "what on earth is that?"

According to one holiday website, Tweed Day celebrates the familar woolen clothing that hails from Scotland.

Actually, I think I'd prefer Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum wearing tweed. How fashionable is that!

Step right up with Publicity Stunt Week!

I'm not sure who declared April 1-7 to be Publicity Stunt Week, but we know many somebodys out there will milk it for everything they can.

In this era of soundbite indigestion, we're inundated with outdated and overrated publicity stunts. And now, reality shows have gone over the edge. Just how much reality can we handle when we're trying to escape reality?

Was that sentence based on fantasy or reality …

I admit, I did watch the second half of American Idol a couple years back when whatshisname won, oh, yeah, Taylor Whatshislastname. I also admit I watched it with the critical eye of a social observer trying to figure out why the callers and judges select the performers they do. I also admit that I looked at the reality of the situation that this guy had only one style week after week, and I knew that would not bode well when the Idol footlights dimmed.

And while he's a talented and nice guy, I knew he would fade rapidly, and unfortunately he has. That's tough to be on top of the world and then slide into near oblivion. Is that why it's accurately called 15 minutes of fame?

So, I haven't been back to Idol. I only watched Dancing with the Stars for a couple of shows when actress Jane Seymour was on last season … or was it the season before that … Hmm, it's amazing how reality flies. And while I could have watched Cloris Leachman because I've always liked her, I've been more entertained by the soundbites about her tell-all book being released. Not bad for 80-something, huh? I knew years ago that she would be a funny dirty old woman.

Alas, I must confess that there is one reality show to which I have succumbed, and I'm still not sure why because it has whiny, rude, arrogant people on it sometimes, and I wonder why I waste my reality time on them. No, I can't understand it except that my husband seduced me into joining him one night in front of the tube. I was hooked, though again, I think it's because I'm still the social scientist trying to understand human behavior.

However, this show has led to some feuds in our household, basically the reality that whoever gets to the TV room first gets the most comfortable chair. But it's a project we can't run away from, though we have tried. Well, at least I think I've tried a little harder than my hubby.

Sew, I mean, so, I guess it's guess it's fashionable and fitting that we have adopted just this one pattern of behavior in our household. We don't want to be too far out of style because I guess reality TV has become part of our society's fabric. I'll just never confess which show it is, and I've zippered my lips shut.

Now, excuse me while I try to design my own seamless event for Publicity Stunt Week.

Alzheimer's: When it isn't automatic

“She was unable to fill out a check or write the date after 2000. I just did not understand that.”

Much of what we do in life is automatic. We go through the motions of every day often without thinking. We perform personal hygiene or household duties without stopping to analyze every step. Imagine how confusing and frustrating that is when it doesn't seem so simple anymore.