Taking away more freedoms on Independence Day

I'm not sure how my dad-in-law will view this Independence Day. I'm not sure if he realizes how much freedom he's lost this year.

Thanks to the ravages of dementia, Pepaw can't live by himself anymore. We have to monitor his eating habits to make sure he's getting proper nutrition and won't eat cookies and donuts all the time. We had to take control of his medicine because he wasn't taking it properly. We have to remind him to maintain personal hygiene. We had to take away the car keys because it wasn't safe for him to drive.

The other day, we had to take an even bolder step: ration his cigarettes. Now he can't have one without going to a CNA at his residence and asking for it out of a locked drawer. That's the only way we could be sure he'd smoke in the proper place outside.

Yes, I hate cigarettes, but that was one of the hardest things I had to do when my husband and I decided to take away Pepaw's freedom to smoke whenever and wherever he wanted to. I hated taking away one of the few remaining things he truly enjoys, but we had to do it because he couldn't remember the rules on his own.

And he certainly couldn't remember how many cigarettes he was consuming. He said he had only had two a day. Hmm, less than 48 hours earlier, I had given him a new pack of 20. Yep, his math skills are a bit fuzzy these days …

In great detail the other day, he told me how to dissipate smoke and keep it from reaching a smoke detector. I'm not going to tell you how (to avoid copycat behavior), but it was pretty clever and he was quite proud of himself. I was actually impressed. If I weren't fuming at the time, I might have congratulated him on his creativity.

How has he responded to the new restrictions? I don't know yet because I thought it was best to stay away for a couple of days so the CNAs could ease him into the new routine. It was the best and most consistent thing for him. Will he simply ask us for cigarettes when we show up on the Fourth of July to see him? Will he get mad and blame me for the limiting his freedom to smoke? Will he have forgotten?

No matter how Pepaw greets me on Independence Day, I'm ready for anything because it's one of the risks of love, concern and caregiving. Perhaps the thickness of my skin is growing in proportion to the size of my heart because I know I'm going to hear him say again very soon, "Thanks, darlin'" and "You let me know if you need anything."

God bless America and Pepaw.