Alzheimer's: It was so gradual

“It was so gradual. I had seven children to care for and was working out of the home. When something went wrong, I made adjustments.”

Alzheimer’s is sneaky and downright devious. It finds corners to hide in as it carefully plots its takeover of the brain … cell by cell, so quietly that we can’t see the changes day by day or even week by week for several years.

Because we can’t see what's happening inside our loved one’s head, we automatically make those little adjustments or fill in when something’s forgotten or lost. Hey, we all forget and lose things! How many times has someone helped us when we plead temporary insanity? That’s life!

And in the challenge of just getting through the day, we often can’t see gradual … until we’re tripping over it … blaming that “thing” in our way and not willing to admit we weren’t watching where we were going.

And Alzheimer’s celebrates another victory and plans another damn invasion …

Alzheimer's: Don't let generosity bankrupt

“She had greatly impaired judgment in financial matters and responded to every charitable mailing.”

Alzheimer’s and dementia have been the evil culprits that have bankrupted many a parent, grandparent, uncle, aunt or friend. Keeping track of personal finances is a big enough pain without the confusion and forgetfulness that these conditions often bring.

Families have a responsibility to monitor the financial behavior of their members to keep them from ruin. Those with Alzheimer’s or dementia may not realize where their money is going or that they’re spending beyond their means or being overly generous with charitable causes.

Be pro-active by stopping mailings from organizations that send requests for money frequently. End “whatever-of-the-month” clubs that automatically send items unless cancelled. Check the types of magazines your loved one is receiving and cancel unnecessary ones or all if he/she is not reading them anymore.

Tiny battles now can save your loved one from losing the money they need to live a comfortable and safe life in their final years. They deserve that. Wouldn't you?

No better way to spend time #2

Watching the world go by from the front porch steps continued …

All this while my friend and I talked about what was beautiful and annoying in life … ridiculously funny and enormously heartbreaking … full of innocence and tainted with reality … fair and not fair.

My friend marveled at how someone the other day recognized her after a number of years and what a joy it was to revisit that ordinary time and place again … and how that person still appreciated her. She couldn't believe it!

I wanted to say, "Well, duh! You are quite memorable for all the right reasons!"

But this was a time to listen … to this symphony of a single human voice, the occasional chirp of a bird, the rustle of plants giving birth again, the gentle panting of a content dog, the crescendo of a bicycle hum before it fades in the distance … the breeze, the air that feeds our lungs and cleanses our minds.

Yes, I should have been other places doing other things during these waning hours of a Friday afternoon, but there was no better place to revitalize my soul than with a friend on the front porch in an older neighborhood full of character and something new to see every moment.

Next time, though, I'm bringing a pillow for those concrete steps. My mind can linger forever, but my tush can't.

No better way to spend time #1

I did something Friday that I haven't done in a long time: sit on the front steps with a friend and talk and watch the world walk or drive by.

And there was no better way to spend an afternoon.

The long-anticipated spring warmth promised and delivered comfort whether you chose the sun or shade. Luckily the porch steps were in the shade when my friend invited me to sit beside her. I don't do well in the direct sun, even with my big old shades that completely cover my regular glasses.

It had been months since I had sat outside, period, but it was as if I was reintroduced to Mother Nature and mankind all in one sitting as I observed the budding trees, the growing grass and the seemingly overnight explosion of flora.

It been even longer since I had watched children get off the school bus at the corner and walk home, alone or in clusters. Listening to their chatter and laughter reminded me of 17 years ago when my son was in fourth grade and was so excited that he got to ride the bus to and from school for the first time. Why? Because his mom had lost her job in January 1992 and could finally stay home to send him off to school and greet him after the final bell.

And all this while my friend and I talked …

More tomorrow.

Alzheimer's: A beloved Grandma

“My grandma and I were very close. I would help her with daily activities, and she would give me a shoulder to cry on when I was upset.”

Alzheimer’s robs us of a loved one who used to respond to our everyday and special questions … someone who knew exactly what to say to make us feel better … someone who used to share their highs and lows with us.

While they struggle with, or eventually forget, the basics of communication, which make our human relationships unique, they have left us in one respect, even if their physical body survives for several years. That creates a void so deep within us that we often struggle for a long time with how to replace it.

Resist the temptation to fill it with food, alcohol, drugs or other self-destructive behavior. Fill it with other individual connections that lift you and affirm you as a human being. That’s what we’re here for.

Alzheimer’s: Lack of reasoning

“Lack of reasoning and common sense.”

We all have days when it seems our common sense has taken a vacation. We all have moments when we wish our reasoning skills had not abandoned us and left us in an embarrassing situation. We see it in ourselves and vow to make it better next time.

However, with a disease such as Alzheimer’s, some of the earliest symptoms we witness in someone are major lapses in reasoning ability and common sense reactions to everyday life. We often explain that away with stress or some kind of physical ailment. It often isn’t until an official diagnosis of Alzheimer’s that years of faulty judgments begin to make sense.

Don't put off your concern for one more day.

Every pity party needs a friend and dessert

We are human. Therefore, it's impossible to have a perfect day, though there are many near-perfect or pretty good ones.

We are human. Therefore, some days will suck big time.

We are human. Therefore, it's okay occasionally to have a pity party to get anger, frustration, fear, and other uncomfortable feelings out of our system … and remind us just how blessed we are almost every other day and compared to many others in the world.

We are human. Therefore, we should not throw a pity party without inviting at least one good friend who will listen and offer, as needed and requested, words of comfort, cheer or "give 'em hell!"

We are human. Therefore, every pity party needs refreshments and other necessities of life.

Dear friend, what time does the party start and what shall I bring … regular or sugar-free, regular or decaf, regular or low sodium, regular or non-fat, regular or diet …

I'll take care of you. That's what pity party pals are for … because we're in this human thing together.

Alzheimer's: She could not be left alone

“On my father’s deathbed, he told me my mother was forgetful. I observed her and realized she could not be alone.”

That’s a tough and startling confirmation in what is already a stressful situation. However, it’s not uncommon for spouses to “cover” for another’s forgetfulness or unusual behavior to avoid worrying adult children. Is it love or embarrassment or both that prompts this mask?

Look Up at the Sky Day

Look Up at the Sky Day seems to be marked at a perfect time this year, with the seasons of Easter and Passover celebrated at the same time.

No matter your religion or whether you're not the religious type, it's a good time to look up at the sky to witness the changing of the seasons, to try to comprehend how blue skies can blanket us and how clouds can entertain our imaginations and just how small, yet important, we are in this vast universe.

We can pray, seek inspiration, laugh, look within, gaze upward at the miraclous sky. No wonder we embrace that cliché, "The sky's the limit."

However, the sky's not the limit. We're the only limit to ourselves when we truly look at the sky because we have vision and power beyond what we can see.

I think I'll don my sunglasses and stretch my 5 feet 1 and a half inches a little more today no matter what the spring sky brings. Hope to see you there.

The 8 track tape memory of my mind

It's time to celebrate 8 Track Tape Day. Yippee.

Growing up, my music money was invested in records and cassette tapes. I was not a big fan of the 8 track tape era because it seemed like all my favorite songs split between tracks and the actual tapes were more fragile as they seemed to clunk loudly through the player. My mom had a couple dozen 8 tracks she liked to listen to but gave me the unit and tapes a number of years ago. Alas, time has not been kind to the wide strips of magnetic memories.

I got to thinking that the 8 track design is kind of like our memories. The 8 track tape would run continuously, looping until the end of time if we had allowed it, smooth until it reached a limit and cut off our favorite song midway, putting us on hold to continue singing along until it moved to the next track. We all have those pauses in life when we forget something, those frustrating moments when we know we know but the answer, the name, the direction, the step, seem to vanish, and then return like that click of the next track.

And I think it's a sad, but true description of Alzheimer's, dementia and memory loss, when the pause between songs grows longer and eventually the tape breaks without warning … is pieced together temporary at best … and then begins to crumble.

Families may not be able to repair the golden tape within the one they loved, but they can recreate the harmonies of this life to share and pass along for generations to come because the beat of life does go on.